


Dick Cheney: Alpha Lizard

by peteisaBAEsist



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Geoff - Freeform, Jack - Freeform, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, and gavin are only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 13:58:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8492419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peteisaBAEsist/pseuds/peteisaBAEsist
Summary: Ray and Ryan are soulmates whoa cool original right? Ray is cynical, Ryan is mysterious and all knowing. Michael is just there to provide conveniently timed references.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for creative writing and I figured I'd share it. Have fun kids.

“They're hella superficial. All they do is tell you who you're supposed to fall in love with according to some all-good being in the sky. It's the fucking government man.” Ray shoves a square of dry cornbread in his mouth. “Lizard people, I swear.” Michael snickers at Ray’s words, but stops to hum the X-Files theme song.  
“Dude, you’re just bitter because you don’t have a mark. Get over it, let us breathe!” Michael screams the last three words, throwing his hands up, narrowly missing hitting Ryan in the face.  
“He has a reasonable amount of skepticism. I’d think it was all conspiracies if I didn’t have a soulmate mark, seeing as how only four percent of the world’s population is without one.”  
“Right, but there’s no way the government can know our thoughts. It’s not Ray being skeptical, it’s pure, unadulterated bitterness. He’s acting like an old woman who never went to parties in her prime and now hates the teenagers next door.” Michael chuckles.  
“I’m not bitter because, imagine this, it’s crazy, but imagine it,” Ray leans forward across the lunch table and looks everyone in the eye with false intensity. “Maybe I don’t want to be tracked and controlled by Dick Cheney.” Ray leans back and folds his arms like he’s just won the world’s greatest argument.  
“Ray, why would Dick Cheney be controlling you?”  
“Wake up man, Dick Cheney is the Alpha Lizard! He’s running the whole show up there on Washington’s front lawn!” Ray screams across the table to Michael, who is once again humming the X-Files theme song. Ryan speaks up again as he picks up his trash.  
“It still could show up. Just be patient.” and with that, he walks away thirty seconds before the bell rings.

Ray wakes up at 4:15 AM screaming into the darkness of his room. His left wrist, previously bare and baby-skin-soft, is now burning with the fire of an angry spanish grandmother; much like his own. He scrambles out of his tiny twin bed and slaps at the wall, eventually grazing the lightswitch and illuminating the room. He yanks up the sleeve of his shirt and stares, jaw dropped at what he finds blooming across his skin.  
I wonder if he has it but doesn’t want anyone to know.  
Maybe he’s ashamed of who he’s got?  
There’s no way he doesn’t have one.  
What if it’s Michael?  
Or, god help him, Gavin?  
Or me?  
Ray reads quickly as his soulmate’s thoughts flash across his wrist, recognizing the names of two of his closest friends.  
What the hell? Why now?  
This is someone who knows I don’t have a mark.  
Didn’t. Definitely didn’t.  
This is someone who knows Michael and Gavin. Jack? Geoff?  
No, I’ve seen theirs. Geoff has Griffon. Jack has Caiti. Ryan has Jess?  
Ryan hasn’t shown anyone his mark. What if his isn’t Jess?  
Oh god, or worse, what if it is?  
I don’t wan―  
Ray stops that thought in its tracks. He doesn’t want to have that conversation with himself. He knows full well he likes Ryan, he doesn’t need to address it. That is, until Ryan calls him. Right then. At 4:23 AM. On a Tuesday morning. He shoves his sleeve back down and answers the phone, slightly out of breath.  
“What do you want?” Ray quips.  
“Want a ride?” Ryan laughs, all tin can through the phone.  
“Fine. Give me ten minutes.” With that, Ray hangs up and rips his clothes off, replacing them with a graphic tee and jeans, running out the door with not another thought about his wrist.

“Donuts today?” Ryan switches gear waiting for Ray to answer.  
“Yeah, if you feel like paying. I am young and broke, my friend.”  
“Sure, just don’t get sugary crap all over my truck. I just washed it.”  
Ray runs his finger across the dashboard and blows the sediment at Ryan’s face.  
“You did, did you? And what’s this, snow? Feeling festive, Ryan?” Ryan swats at Ray with his free hand, chuckling.  
“Shut up or no donuts.”  
“You got it, boss man.” Ray looks down at his exposed wrist and panics, tucking it against his side, and praying nothing makes him move it today.

“Why didn't you tell us? Hell, dude. It's one of us, that's pretty damn important.” Michael half yells at Ray, who's sitting in the middle of everyone on his bedroom floor, wrist facing the ceiling, mark and all.  
“Because it showed up at four this morning. I didn't know.” Ryan barely hides a small laugh, covering it with a very unconvincing cough.  
“What? This isn't funny.” Ray throws Michael's jacket on, pulling the sleeves over his knuckles and balling them up in his fists. Ryan looks Jack in the eye, and Jack immediately scrambles to his feet, pulling the other three boys with him out the door.  
“I don't like being alone with a man who owns a cow in a pit in his backyard. Kinda spooks a guy, ya know?” Ryan stands up and turns his back to Ray, speaking as low as possible so the others, more than likely outside the door listening, can't hear.  
“Don't freak out, and shut up. I know you've never seen me without a hoodie, I know I don't talk a lot, I know you…” Ryan pauses to look down, still facing away, “ are ‘really scared and about to cry probably’ so shut up and let me talk.” Ray’s jaw drops open as his thoughts bubble out of his head and off of Ryan’s tongue. Ryan pulls his hoodie off, along with his t-shirt, and turns around to face Ray, who's now standing to meet Ryan's eyes. Emblazoned across Ryan’s chest, from shoulder to shoulder, is his soulmate mark, bright blue, with rose-thorn-vines entwined around bold text, clearly displaying Ray’s current thought; I love you, I love you, I love you. Ray pulls his wrist up, parallel to Ryan’s mark. The words are the same, three words repeating in quick succession, but Ray’s mark is surrounded by deep, blood-red geometric webbing. A cog in Ray’s head finally falls into place, and as his mark changes to you’re my soulmate, both Ryan’s and Ray’s mark bleed out, changing from geometry and roses to purple smoke. Ryan steps closer to Ray and holds his tan wrist against his own pale chest.  
“I told you so.”  
“Alright thanks for ruining the moment that was so cool wow god you suck.” Ray pulls his arm away and shoves at Ryan playfully.  
“You got it, Dick Cheney.” Ryan wraps Ray up in his arms, Ray’s face buried in his shoulder. Ray whispers into his skin.  
“I am the alpha lizard.” They both laugh as they hear the other’s guffaws behind the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are cool, comments are even better! It's the first "story" I've ever written so I'd like some feedback


End file.
